This blog entry was written on 1st October 2005. Looking back i realised that this entry reflected so much pain... This was the time when i was alone in Dubai and my husband was in Manila. This was the time when i felt like i was carrying some of the heaviest loads on my shoulders... as if there's nothing i could do but to go on because there was no other choice... and no one else i could count on to carry the burdens for me. My only refuge was God. He is so faithful that He helped me go through those trying times. I know, we all have to go through some kind of 'process' to shape us and let us be the best person we can be.
I have changed, the process worked. I have grown so much more in spirit and in fellowship.
then & now
Nostalgia engulfed me...
Saw a recent post from my long time friend and i felt like i was taken back to the good old times when everything was just a blur and vagueness of what really life was all about. Time when old folks would tell me about life but wouldn't get the whole picture of what it really was... i would nod and pretend to understand it all. It was a time of clean fun, school, projects, crushes and friends. It was the age of innocence and simple things.
We're less oblivious now of the world around us. We've grown up, learned valuable lessons, able to think and ponder on what's important... but couldn't free our minds with worries. Sometimes i ask myself, why would children wish they were grown ups and grown ups would wish they were kids? Can we not have it all? Have the power to rule and decide like the grown ups and yet have the innocence of the young?
Reality bites...
... and fate forces us to be stronger and never face defeat.
How much strength do i need? ...to face everyday's challenges.
How many more games do we have to play? to pretend we're ok...
How many more thoughts do we have to run in our minds?...until we can settle with one.
How many more stars do we have to reach?... to be contented.
How many more vacations do we have to take? ... to unwind and free our minds, only to be cluttered again afterwards.
How many more questions do we have to answer?... to be satisfied.
How many more roads do we have to take? ... until we find ourselves.
How many more places do we have to go to?... 'til we rest and say, i'm done!
I wish things were simpler..... I wish i have more choices other than 'choose from the existing choices or not to choose'
Life's complexities - it's a GIFT OF TIME...
i guess i just have to enjoy it.
Today is a gift...
keep the fight.... fight the battle!
After all i'm still blessed to live the life i'm living right now...
October 01, 2005
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