Then and Now

This blog entry was written on 1st October 2005. Looking back i realised that this entry reflected so much pain... This was the time when i was alone in Dubai and my husband was in Manila. This was the time when i felt like i was carrying some of the heaviest loads on my shoulders... as if there's nothing i could do but to go on because there was no other choice... and no one else i could count on to carry the burdens for me. My only refuge was God. He is so faithful that He helped me go through those trying times. I know, we all have to go through some kind of 'process' to shape us and let us be the best person we can be.

I have changed, the process worked. I have grown so much more in spirit and in fellowship.

then & now
Nostalgia engulfed me...
Saw a recent post from my long time friend and i felt like i was taken back to the good old times when everything was just a blur and vagueness of what really life was all about. Time when old folks would tell me about life but wouldn't get the whole picture of what it really was... i would nod and pretend to understand it all. It was a time of clean fun, school, projects, crushes and friends. It was the age of innocence and simple things.
We're less oblivious now of the world around us. We've grown up, learned valuable lessons, able to think and ponder on what's important... but couldn't free our minds with worries. Sometimes i ask myself, why would children wish they were grown ups and grown ups would wish they were kids? Can we not have it all? Have the power to rule and decide like the grown ups and yet have the innocence of the young?
Reality bites...
... and fate forces us to be stronger and never face defeat.
How much strength do i need? ...to face everyday's challenges.
How many more games do we have to play? to pretend we're ok...
How many more thoughts do we have to run in our minds?...until we can settle with one.
How many more stars do we have to reach?... to be contented.
How many more vacations do we have to take? ... to unwind and free our minds, only to be cluttered again afterwards.
How many more questions do we have to answer?... to be satisfied.
How many more roads do we have to take? ... until we find ourselves.
How many more places do we have to go to?... 'til we rest and say, i'm done!
I wish things were simpler..... I wish i have more choices other than 'choose from the existing choices or not to choose'
Life's complexities - it's a GIFT OF TIME...
i guess i just have to enjoy it.
Today is a gift...
keep the fight.... fight the battle!
After all i'm still blessed to live the life i'm living right now...
October 01, 2005

Yes, i'm grateful

When i moved to our Corporate Office almost a year ago, i told myself, now that i am no longer in our prorperty hotels and away from the daily marketing operation i can manage my time better. So, i decided to take a marketing course at the Knowlege Network - Chartered Institute of Marketing. With so much fervour i made sure i'd get into the course by September. I asked my company to support my education and after some deliberation i finally got it.

I was so excited!! It's been 10 years now since i graduated from the university. My boss told me that she a difficult time when she did her studies on the same course. Another colleague of mine told me the same. I thought, how can it be so hard? it's easy to understand besides we're already in the marketing world.

I am not studious at all. I love learning but i hate reviewing for exams.. especially when i'm forced to memorize stuff. So, my challenge began..... they're right!! it's difficult!! Firstly because i have not been in school for 10 years (it's such a long time). Secondly, My studies is not my life anymore as how it used to be when i was in the university, so it's hard to change my schedules to accommodate study time. I miss my favourite tv shows, i stopped exercising (and gained more weight!!), i also find it hard to maintain our house and i miss those bonding times with my husband. Thirdly, with the evolution of technology our minds have become lazy.... we don't even memorize numbers because they're stored in our phones, we don't even try to remember appointments because our alarms will go off anyway to remind us.... Getting used to all these, i find it hard to retain stuff in my head. The things i memorize last Friday and Saturday are but a vague memory.... The effort to keep them in my head is doubled or perhaps even tripled.

I miss going out and see movies or be with my friends. I see their photos and how i wished i could also jin them when they go out. How i also wished i could go with Benet and her friends when they go out of town on weekends to do photo shoots.... ohh well.. i have so many things i want to do. I guess i have to just suck it up and finish my study then.. move on to the next one. One at a time....

Yes, i'm grateful for this opportunity given. Yes, i'm thankful to God for giving this to me - i asked for it, now i am in it, so i will treaure it.... it's just good to get some disappointments out from my chest. ahh!!